The Doctor Has A Fear Of Jesus Dolls
by Wonderland's-Pokemon-Master
Summary: Many random things happen when it comes to the lives of the Doctor and Martha. For instance: After watching a Top Gear special, the Doctor starts having nightmares about killer Jesus action figures! Romantics every so often, but mostly just funny.
1. 1: Martha's MSN

**The Doctor Has A Fear Of Jesus Dolls **

**Summary: Many random things happen when it comes to the lives of the Doctor and Martha. For instance: Martha's MSN gets hacked into by the Doctor, the TARDIS, Rose, a Judoon, the Master, and Jack Harkness! …After watching a Top Gear special, the Doctor starts having nightmares about killer Jesus action figures! The Doctor and Martha try batt-a-rappin'! …And a lot more : D**

**A/N: Most of this is, like, abbreviations, so sorry if it sucks a bit LOL**

* * *

**1 – Martha's MSN**

**Martha and the Doctor – Couple**

"_I wish I had someone to talk to." Martha sighed, sitting in her flat on her own, wondering why she'd decided to take a weekend off of space and time travel, and her Doctor. She idly turned her laptop on, logging onto MSN and changing her screen name to '_Missing-my-Doctor'_. Suddenly, a conversation popped up._

Lonely-Doc: Hiya!

Missing-my-Doctor: How'd u get my addy?

Lonely-Doc: Tapped into the system. Anyways, how r u?

Missing-my-Doctor: Bored out of my head, u?

Lonely-Doc: Same lol

Missing-my-Doctor: Wuu2?

Lonely-Doc: nm, just chillin. I'm hungry lol XD

Missing-my-Doctor: U wanna come over 4 dinner?

Happy-Doc: Yay!

_Martha changed her screen name._

Awesome: aww, ur not lonely any more neither am I now lol

Happy-Doc: lol I'll be over in 2

**Conversation ended**

_Martha closed the conversation, walking into the kitchen to make some lunch for her and the Doctor, and placed her laptop on the table. After deciding on Bolognese, she heard a bleep from her laptop. Another conversation._

TARDIS: hey Martha, got a favour to ask you

Awesome: …

TARDIS: he tapped in through me so I have access too.

Awesome: ooooh. So, what's the favour?

TARDIS: can you tell the Doctor that he needs to pick up his dry cleaning? I keep forgetting and I can't talk whilst I'm in the time vortex thingy lol

Awesome: lol sure

TARDIS: thx Martha : D

Awesome: np cya l8r

TARDIS: cya

**Conversation ended**

_Turning to the bubbling pot on the hob, she started the spaghetti and then took out the mince and sauce. Just as she was stirring them, a sound very difficult to describe told her that the Doctor had arrived. She quickly changed her screen name to '_Doctor-&-Martha'.

"_Hey there!" The Doctor smiled as he stepped into the kitchen. "Whatchya cooking?"_

"_Bolognese. Didn't have anything else." Martha said as she turned to him, leaning against the wall and grinning at her. "Oh, the TARDIS asked me to remind you that you need to pick up your dry cleaning."_

"_Yeah…wait, you spoke to the TARDIS?" The Doctor scratched his head in bemusement. _

"_Through MSN."_

"_Ooooh."_

_Another bleep from the laptop rang out. The Doctor swivelled it round to face him._

Rose-kicks-butt: Oi Martha Jones! U think u can steal my Doctor then you've got another thing coming!!!

Doctor-&-Martha: Hey, don't talk to her like that!

Rose-kicks-butt: Doctor, that u?

Doctor-&-Martha: yh, but I'm not gonna talk to you

Rose-kicks-butt: y not?

Doctor-&-Martha: cos you're being mean to my gf

Rose-kicks-butt: ok, ur over me, kl, so howz every1?

Doctor-&-Martha: I'm kl, TARDIS is kl, Jack as far as I know is kl – he can't die tho so big shocker

Rose-kicks-butt: ok kl then cya around

Doctor-&-Martha: Bubi

Conversation ended

"_Am I your girlfriend? Seriously?"_

"_Urm…didn't you know that?" _

"_SQUEE!!!!!!" Martha squealed, bear-hugging the Doctor, who gave her a winded 'Oof'._

_Martha continued with the Bolognese, when suddenly 6 contacts were added to her contacts list. Total contacts were then 6. The contact list read:_

Happy-Doc

TARDIS

Rose-kicks-butt

JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-CUTE

Destruction-Is-Nice

I'm-Free-On-Thursday

"_Who the hell are they?" Martha said, staring at the contacts on her screen. Passing the cursor over each name, she saw the hotmail addresses._

**Happy-Doc -** doctorwho? TARDIS . co . uk 

**TARDIS –** faultystolenunreliablefantastic1950s-chic TARDIS . co . uk 

**Rose-kicks-butt –** coldplayfan#01 parallelword . co . uk 

**JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute –** SuperArmySoldier judoon . co . uk 

**Destruction-is-Nice –** IamyourMaster beyondthegrave . co . uk

**I'mFreeOnThursday -** jackharknessubersxc torchwood . co . uk 

"Hey, how about we put them all in a conversation and see what happens!" The Doctor grinned, full of enthusiasm. Before Martha could respond, he had put everyone in one big conversation. 

**Doctor-&-Martha has added TARDIS; Rose-kicks-butt; I'm-Free-On-Thursday; Happy-Doc to the conversation**

_The Doctor flipped his own laptop open and logged in before adding himself at the end. Martha changed her screen name to '_42'.

42: hi everyone!

TARDIS: hi

Happy-Doc: anyone got a banana?

Rose-kicks-butt: lol hey Doctor

Happy-Doc: hey Rose! TARDIS we got any bananas?

TARDIS: no

I'm-Free-On-Thursday: u can try mine

42: ewww that's pervy

I'm-Free-On-Thursday: i didn't mean that, you sicko, anyway u wanna come out on a date with me?

Rose-kicks-butt: who r u talking to?

I'm-Free-On-Thursday: all of you

TARDIS: WTF? I'm a machine

I'm-Free-On-Thursday: except 4 TARDIS, sorry babe

TARDIS: o ok :)

**I'm-Free-On-Thursday has signed out**

**42 has added JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute to the conversation**

JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute: I got a new puppy, it's adorable!

Happy-Doc: what JPUTM mean?

JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute: Judoon Platoon Upon the Moon

Happy-Doc: yeah I made that up

42: so, how come ur on my contact list?

JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute: I dunno

Rose-kicks-butt: what're Judoon?

Happy-Doc: big police rhino thingies.

JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute: I'M NOT A RHINO!!!! WAAAAAAAA:(

**JPUTM-My-Puppy-Is-So-Cute has left the conversation. He's crying now, I hope you're happy!!!!**

42: ...

Happy-Doc: oopsies lol

42: lol you're so cute when you say oopsies :)

Happy-Doc: thx huni :)

Rose-kicks-butt: hey, ex gf over here!

Happy-Doc: soz lol

Rose-kicks-butt: lol dw

TARDIS: I'm gonna hit the sack

42: u sleep?

TARDIS: Occasionally

Happy-Doc: me + Martha will come back after dinner, k?

TARDIS: Ok, but only wake me if it's important

**TARDIS has left the conversation**

**42 has added Destruction-Is-Nice to the conversation.**

Destruction-Is-Nice: Hi fools

Happy-Doc: hey, howz death?

Destruction-Is-Nice: All right I guess, but I'm stuck in that ring so I can come back at any time

Happy-Doc: O poop I knew I shouldn't have left that empty soul-holding ring next to your burning body, it was bound to happen doi silly me :)

42: we'd just beat you again anyways

Rose-kicks-butt: who is this?

Destruction-Is-Nice: the Master, second-last Timelord lol I'm trapped in a ring

Rose-kicks-butt: I'm bored, gonna go listen to Coldplay so smell yah l8r

42: bye

Happy-Doc: Bubi

**Rose-kicks-butt has left the conversation. God, this job is sooooo boring.**

Destruction-Is-Nice: is '42' Martha?

42: well duh lol

Destruction-Is-Nice: lol anyways I g2g Lucy's cooked the dinner

42: tell her I said hi

Happy-Doc: I'm hungry

**Destruction-Is-Nice has left the conversation**

**Happy-Doc has signed off**

**Are you sure you want to sign off?**

_**PLOOP**_

**_Laptop shutting sound_**

"_Dinner's ready." Martha smiled as she dished the Bolognese up. The Doctor ate his quickly, eager to get back to the TARDIS._

* * *


	2. 2: Battarappin' Timelord

**The Doctor Has A Fear Of Jesus Dolls **

**Summary: Many random things happen when it comes to the lives of the Doctor and Martha. For instance: Martha's MSN gets hacked into by the Doctor, the TARDIS, Rose, a Judoon, the Master, and Jack Harkness! …After watching a Top Gear special, the Doctor starts having nightmares about killer Jesus action figures! The Doctor and Martha try batt-a-rappin'! …And a lot more :D**

* * *

**2 – Batt-a-rappin' Timelord**

**Martha and the Doctor - Couple**

Martha and the Doctor walked along the street, wondering what to do. The TARDIS needed some rest, and so they couldn't go anywhere exciting.

"Hey! I have an idea!" Martha grinned. "Let's do some batt-a-rappin'!"

"What's that?" The Doctor asked, slightly embarrassed.

"Where you take something like a name or any word for that matter, and you make a rhyming rap about it, just making it up as you go along. I'll go first.

3,2,1, GO!

Tap tap tap

And a clap clap clap

Look at my space map

Hidden in my baseball cap

Hot, cold, burn or scald,

Whether you are young or old

Everyone in London make a sound

Everybody in London stand up and get down!"

"Nice…I want a go." The Doctor took a deep breath, as though he was about to perform to the Queen, not his companion.

"Everybody say Wo-oh

_**Wo-oh**_

Say Yeah

_**Yeah**_

Say T-I-M-E

_**T-I-M-E**_

L-O-R-D

_**L-O-R-D**_

Look at the TARDIS, little and blue

Bigger on the inside, whoop-de-doo

Hate to repeat myself, so let's get this through

My name's the Doctor, say Doctor Who!

_**Doctor Who!**_

Say it again now

**_Doctor Who_!**

I'm the Doctor

_**Doctor Who!**_

Everybody say Wo-oh

_**Wo-oh**_

Say Yeah

_**Yeah**_

I'm the Doctor

_**Doctor Who**!"_

Martha looked around her, wondering who had shouted back during his batt-a-rap, as well as how he was so awesome.

"Any good?" He asked as he took her hand and they continued walking.

"Yup." She smiled, trying to think of something else to do.


	3. 3: Attack Of The Jesus Dolls

**The Doctor Has A Fear Of Jesus Dolls **

**Summary: Many random things happen when it comes to the lives of the Doctor and Martha. For instance: Martha's MSN gets hacked into by the Doctor, the TARDIS, Rose, a Judoon, the Master, and Jack Harkness! …After watching a Top Gear special, the Doctor has a nightmare about killer Jesus action figures! The Doctor and Martha try batt-a-rappin'! …And a lot more :D**

**A/N: The content of this story is in no way supposed to be offensive. It's just funny…ish. Based on the doll from the Top Gear special, and the clock was advertised in TV listings magazine. The advert really said it.**

* * *

**3 – Attack Of The Jesus Dolls**

**Martha and the Doctor – not a couple at first :(**

The Doctor idly ran his fingers through his hair, bored out of his brains watching a Top Gear special in Martha's flat.

_-In a nutshell, Richard Hammond was using huskies and a sleigh to get to the North Pole, being raced by James May and Jeremy Clarkson in a big car whilst drinking G&Ts and eating chocolate bars-_

The only thing that had caught his attention during the episode was a Jesus doll/action figure type thing. He'd switched himself off from the world shortly after, but in the back of his brain there was one thought – 'That Jesus doll was creepy'.

**Time passes**

**_About 11:30 at night_**

"I'm going to bed." Martha smiled as she turned to go down a corridor in the TARDIS.

"I think I'll join you." Suddenly the Doctor blushed. "Not joining you in your bed, I mean like going to sleep as well, but in my bed, most certainly not yours, not that I find you unattractive -"

"When you're in a hole…" Martha laughed. The Doctor's face returned to its usual colour as they both headed towards their bedrooms.

The Doctor fell asleep as his head hit the pillow. Instantly a dream began in his head…

_**He was stood in the TARDIS control room – 'God Put A Smile Upon Your Face' by Coldplay playing in the background for some reason. The cyan light emitted from the central column faded until only a blood-red haze illuminated the air a short distance around him. Footsteps echoed behind him; he swivelled round, expecting to see Martha, but instead saw nothing but that blood-red haze. Suddenly he felt a shiver run fluidly down his spine as a menacing voice whispered coldly in his ear:**_

**"I am the vine, and you are my branches."**

_**The Doctor's eyes looked at the doll perched on his shoulder, and then at the shining meat cleaver in its hand. He shook uncontrollably, unable to use his sonic screwdriver since he was paralysed with fear. Feeling something prick the other side of his neck, he slowly turned his head to face it. Not surprisingly, another Jesus doll, and a syringe slowly emptying its transparent electric-blue contents into his bloodstream; the dream sent him into another room ...**_

_**...The white walls, ceiling and floor had no differences between them, instead flowing into one another so he could see no end to it. Glancing around for Jesus dolls and seeing none, he sat cross-legged on the floor and tried to focus on waking up, his eyes tight shut. A ticking sound began to fill his head, drowning out his thoughts. He quickly opened his eyes and stared at the clock in the 'middle' of the room – a Jesus clock. A model of Jesus stood on it's base.**_

**_He noticed the advert for it stuck to his shoe. _'Viewable from all angles' _it read. Looking around him, there were hundreds filling the space, ticking and tocking and ticking and tocking until…_**

_**They stopped. Simultaneously and silently, the hands stopped moving and the room was filled not with a silence, but a complete lack of sound. Suddenly, all the heads of the Jesus models on the clocks turned to face him, and began laughing maniacally as they pulled the hands off of the clock faces and stepped awkwardly towards the Doctor. He realised that he was bound and gagged, incapable of escaping. He screamed into the gag as they poked and prodded him all over. It was too much to bear. He was about to scream again when –**_

He bolted upright in bed, screaming. Cold beads of sweat trickled from his forehead as he stopped screaming and started panting for breath. His door burst open, Martha standing in the doorway looking half scared, half asleep.

"Are you ok?" She asked worriedly. "I've never heard you scream like that."

"Don't worry, I just had a nightmare, that's all." The Doctor forced on a smile, trying not to worry Martha further. She walked over to his bed, sitting herself on the edge of it.

"What about?"

"Freaky Jesus dolls trying to kill me, then Jesus models that came off of Jesus clocks that kept poking me with clock hands." He put a hand up to his neck. No mark from the needle, that was good, but he noticed that his hand was trembling uncontrollably. "It was really scary."

Martha raised an eyebrow, but smiled at him with sympathetic eyes. He seemed really shook up, so she hugged him and told him not to worry. He smiled as he wrapped him arms round her, his hands in his sleeves.

"You know, you're so cute when you're terrified." Martha laughed as she let go, gazing at the Doctor.

"Why, thank you. I shall get scared more often." He smiled, his eyes glittering.

Martha thought about the consequences, and then threw consequences out the window as she pulled the Doctor toward her and kissed him like she'd wanted to for months. He looked at her with a shocked expression on his face, but it soon turned into a smirk as he said:

"A lot more often."


End file.
